eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
