You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
