a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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