i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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