I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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