I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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