I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
