This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
