You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
