you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I supernannyed him into submission
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