oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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