my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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