Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
