My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just invented taco cereal.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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