he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
