yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
