Plan B is the new Plan A
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
whose parrot is this?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
