We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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