is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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