do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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