I got chris browned last night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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