every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
