There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pappa wants mamma naked
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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