walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
