think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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