oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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