my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
