can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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