nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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