The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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