I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
