Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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