What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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