My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
