Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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