How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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