Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
