wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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