I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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