just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
