i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.