I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!