God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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