when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here