I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
