remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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