make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
