i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
