brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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