this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i dont even know how to be here
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
