yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
