nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
