make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
