Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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