Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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