Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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