How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
