I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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