you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
