Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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