There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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