thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
