Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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