and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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