come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
