i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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