Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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